Nichole Michelle Regnier & Jeremy John Bruns
Celebration of Marriage
Celebrant: Dr. Jennifer Thomson,
Unitarian Universalist Candidate for Ministry
Waterford, Wisconsin
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Prelude; Processional
Opening Words*
Welcome!
Today we joyfully acknowledge the decision of these two people, Nichole
Michelle Regnier and Jeremy John Bruns to share their lives in marriage. It is
appropriate that all of you are here, for what each of them brings to this
commitment has roots in the love, friendship, and guidance which you have given
them. What they find in their life
together, and give to it and to others, owes much to the warmth and richness of
welcome which you provide in their lives and here today.
We gather
today knowing that marriage should be entered into with certainty, mutual respect,
and a sense of reverence. Love is one of the highest experiences that come to a
person. At its best it reduces our selfishness, deepens our personalities, and
makes life far more meaningful. The essence of Nichole and Jeremy’s commitment
is the discovery of each other as lover, companion, and friend.
Marriage
symbolizes the intimacy between two people, yet this closeness should not
diminish but strengthen the individuality of each person. In this spirit they
create a partnership that empowers them both and gives hope to all who love
them.
Family Blessing*
Will
Nichole’s parents, Donna & Ralph Regnier, please stand? Will Jeremy’s
parents, Delores & Jerry Bruns, please stand?
1. Who presents this woman and this man to be married? We do.
2. Who blesses this union and their love? We do.
You may be seated.
Reading
From Gift of the Sea
by Anne Morrow Lindbergh:
When you love someone you do not love them all of the time,
in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is
even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We
have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We
leap at the flow of the tides and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will
never return.
We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the
only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in
freedom, in the sense that dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but
partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in
demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies
neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it
might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and
accepting it as it is now.
For relationships too must be like islands, one must accept
them for what they are here and now, within their limits–islands, surrounded
and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.
One must accept the security of the winged life, of the ebb and flow, of
intermittency.
Charge to the Couple
Nichole and
Jeremy, you stand here today in front of family and friends to commit yourselves
to each other. On this joyful occasion, it’s important to keep in mind that
your journey together will include sadness, too. You will encounter good times
and bad; financial security and financial hardship; good health and illness.
You will need to work together, to love each other enough to weather the storms
until the sun shines again.
But you
already know all that. Here are some stories from your life together so far that
indicate you are ready for the commitment you make to each other today:
Nichole and
Jeremy met about 6 years before they became engaged. Jeremy walked up to
Nichole in a bar and asked her to dance, but her friends told him to go away.
They wanted to protect her because she’d been in, as she said, “A lot of bad
relationships.”
But these two didn't give up easily. As Jeremy was leaving, he asked Nichole out to
dinner—and she gave him her number, despite her friends’ warnings.
Then, he didn't call. And didn't call. Three days later, Nichole says, “Some guy called
and asked me to dinner.” She suggested that they go out to ladies night
instead—with all of the same friends who tried to get rid of him in the first
place. Telling the story, Jeremy said, “I got thrown to the wolves.”
“Poor guy,”
Nichole said—without much sympathy.
Within a
week, they did go on that dinner date—and both of them knew from the start that
they would be making their lives together. Four months later, they went house hunting.
One day on their way home from Noah’s Ark, driving along County Road A, they saw
a For Sale sign and that was it. Jeremy bought the house and Nichole moved in
with him.
Their shared
love of animals and the outdoors strengthened their relationship from the
beginning. They have their dogs Roxy and Madi. Roxy used to go out in the yard
until she learned to steal chickens from the neighbors. Another Roxy story:
they had a manual transmission car without an emergency brake, so they chucked
a piece of wood behind a tire to keep the car in place when it was parked. One
time from inside the house, they heard a noise outside and saw their car
teetering on a snowbank.
“Jeremy,”
Nichole said, “didn't you put the wood under the tire?” Then they noticed Roxy,
happily chewing on their substitute emergency brake.
They have more
animals too: their fish (an alligator gar named Willy and a sucker fish named
Ted), their rabbit Geo, and their bearded dragon Deja—did I miss anyone?
Actually,
Deja belongs to Jeremy and doesn't like Nichole much. As long as Jeremy likes
her, she can live with that.
During the
early years of their relationship, Nichole worked at Grand Geneva Stables.
Jeremy visited her there so they could ride her horse Ginger double bareback or
take Chase out. Jeremy was the only one who could ride that ornery horse. Once
when Nichole tried to ride Chase, he flipped backward over a hitching post.
Luckily, Nichole had the skills and quick thinking to keep herself safe. As she
felt Chase suck back to flip, she jumped off.
As she put it, “I've learned how
to bail.”
She may have
learned how to bail, but she also knows when to bail—and when not to. Jeremy
was a bit concerned that his job, which takes him away from home almost all the
time, might stress their relationship. And Nichole admits that it hasn't always
been easy to take care of the house—and all the animals—by herself. There’s
some stress involved.
But they
make it work. Family helps.
Like the
time the fuel oil tanks in the garage overflowed. Of course, it was late at
night and the oil spread all over. It was stressful for Nichole, but she called
Jerry and he helped her take care of it.
Or the time
the septic system backed up into the basement. Again, Jeremy’s dad came to the
rescue. Nichole says he’s been a lifesaver.
Then there’s
the time Nichole and Roxy and Madi were out walking early in the morning by the
neighbor’s pond. Madi was swimming and Roxy was in the corn when Nichole heard
Roxy barking and crying. A skunk had sprayed the poor dog right in the face and
Madi had to get close to investigate. Nichole tried tomato juice, but that just
left Madi pink—and both dogs still stinky. She had to leave them outside until
she could get some—her words—“no-stink stuff” from the groomer. This one she
managed without Jerry’s help.
Yes, Nichole
gets irritated that he’s not there—and every time he leaves, she wonders what
crisis she’ll have to deal with while he’s gone. But they know the good in a
relationship comes with the not-as-good and she doesn't intend to bail. In
fact, they tell me that the stress of their time apart makes them stronger as a
couple.
Maybe it’s
just their personalities. She’s emotional; he’s calm. She says what she’s
thinking when she’s thinking it; he keeps things to himself—sometimes to the
point that the pressure builds up and everything pours out at once.
“She’s stubborn,”
Jeremy says.
“He’s very stubborn,” Nichole responds.
“And he’s such a brat.”
When her
stubbornness butts heads with his, neither wants to give in—both want to “win,”
as they put it.
But by the
next day, they've talked out whatever issues they had. Both agree to calm down
before they talk. Jeremy talks about what he feels and why. Nichole dials back
her emotional responses. Neither one of them holds grudges—at least that’s what
they told me.
They have an
understanding that allows them to work out whatever’s causing them trouble. I
guess their stubbornness pays off—they both actually do “win” this way.
Maybe
because of their time apart, they've made the most of the time they do have
together—trips to the Dells, The House on the Rock; a Caribbean cruise (Jamaica’s
beautiful, they say—though the cruise seemed to be designed for old folks who
were all in bed by 10:00. They didn't tell what they did to pass the time alone
in the evenings.)
Again, family
helps out. Nichole’s dad Ralph takes care of the animals while they’re away.
They like to
take the boat out to different lakes and go fishing and carp shooting with bow
& arrow. Sometimes Nichole goes along when Jeremy and his dad go
bow-hunting for deer—and once she went on a turkey hunt. Here they have another
understanding—Jeremy, not Nichole, is the one who dresses what they shoot.
Then there
was the big trip to Cabo. It was going to be at Christmastime, Nichole’s
favorite holiday, a special day for her. They planned this vacation together
for an entire year before they left.
At least
Nichole thought they planned it all
together. What she didn't know—but everyone else did—was that Jeremy had set up
a secret event for them, an event that involved the ring Nichole didn't know
about either.
……
They’d been
together almost six years by the time they went to Mexico. They’d had time to
learn about each other’s stubbornness, to come to an understanding about how
they wanted to handle the arguments that inevitably come up in any
relationship—and to know that they could work through the stress of their time
apart.
Nichole knew
that Jeremy was a caring person, the kind of man who helps out everyone, whether
he knows them or not. He’s always there for her; he cares what she thinks.
Jeremy knew
that Nichole was very smart and not afraid to stand up for what she believes
in. When he’s out of town, she takes time in her busy schedule to do things for
him at home. He loves her outgoing nature; she loves his calm presence.
Jeremy told
me a story about Nichole—careful not to let her hear so it would be a surprise
here for the wedding. His story paints a lovely picture of their home life
together:
“She always
cries at sappy movies, especially if there’s a pet involved,” Jeremy began. One
evening, they were sitting on the couch, eating popcorn and watching Marley and Me. (It figures they’d be
watching a movie about a dog.) Jeremy looked over at Nichole and noticed little
teardrops leaking out of her eyes. She made no sound.
As she
continued to watch the movie, he continued to watch her. He put his arm around
her and said, “You’re so cute.” Then he giggled—that’s the word he used,
“giggled”—because it tickles him how much she takes the movie to heart. Sounds
like a perfect evening.
……
Oh! Were you
waiting for the rest of the Cabo story, the one that involved the secret ring?
It’s Christmas night. Nichole and Jeremy are sitting at a hibachi table with
one other couple—a couple who are celebrating their anniversary. They had
become engaged one year ago. Naturally, they ask whether Nichole and Jeremy are
married.
No, they
say, we’re not married.
He had
packed the ring in his checked luggage so Nichole wouldn't see it during any
security checks. At dinner, he has the ring in his pocket. She gives him a
scare when she puts her hand on his leg too close to the ring—so he switches it
to the other pocket when she isn't looking.
The other
couple finish their dinner and get ready to leave until Jeremy asks them to
stay. Then he gets down on one knee, takes out the ring and says, “Nichole
Michelle Regnier, will you marry me?”
“Are you
serious?!” she responds, “YES!”
Everyone in
the restaurant stands and applauds the newly engaged couple.
Now, here
they are, celebrating their marriage with you, their family and friends.
Unity Ceremony
Nichole and
Jeremy are going into this marriage with their eyes open—and their hearts open.
They have
chosen to represent the unity of their two separate lives with a sand ceremony.
They brought sand home from their engagement trip to Cabo, which they will mix
with sparkly sand to represent Nichole and red sand to represent Jeremy.
Each will
leave some sand in the separate containers because they remain individual
people even as they begin their married life together.
Vows—[John Corado, in Roger
Fritts, For as Long as We Both Shall Live,
54]
Jeremy, repeat after me this pledge of your love:
Nichole, I promise to
give you my love,
To accept and cherish
your love,
To help you when you
need me.
I promise to be your
faithful husband
In joy and in sorrow,
And in sickness and in
health.
Nichole, repeat after me this pledge of your love:
Jeremy, I promise to
give you my love,
To accept and cherish
your love,
To help you when you
need me.
I promise to be your
faithful wife
In joy and in sorrow,
And in sickness and in
health.
Exchange of Rings*
Nichole and
Jeremy, the circle is the symbol of unity.
These rings symbolize the unity in which your two lives are now joined,
in one unbroken circle. By your promise, you have made a new family circle, so
that wherever you go separately, you will always return to the intimacy of one
another.
Jeremy, would you place this ring on Nichole’s finger and
repeat after me:
Nichole, I give you
this ring
as a token of my
commitment
to you and to our life
together.
Nichole, would you place this ring on Jeremy’s finger and
repeat after me:
Jeremy, I give you this
ring
as a token of my
commitment
to you and to our life
together.
Prayer*
Dear God, Spirit
of Life and Love,
may Nichole
and Jeremy’s home be a place where joy and sorrow will be shared.
May it be a
place of mutual support in bearing life’s failures and celebrating its
successes,
a temple for
all that is beautiful and good and true.
May each be
a source of enrichment and growth for the other,
and may
their life together be a gift of caring concern for the larger human community.
Even in
their dark and painful times,
may they
continue to walk in the guiding light
of the trust
and love that has drawn them together.
May they
carry the past gratefully with them
all the
years of their existence,
enriching
old family ties with new ones,
and with an
equal measure of hope,
ever face
the future unafraid. Amen.
Pronouncement*
This
marriage is an event in the lifetime of a love.
Neither the church nor the state,
neither I
nor all society
can join
these two lovers today.
Only they could
do what they have chosen.
They have
joined themselves, each to the other.
They
proclaim that union today and pledge its future.
Nichole and
Jeremy have consented together in marriage and have witnessed the same before
us today.
They have
committed themselves to each other.
Therefore, I now pronounce them husband and wife.
Benediction [David A. Johnson, from To Love Honor and Shave Twice a Week, in
Roger Fritts, For as Long as We Both
Shall Live, 86. Adapted.]
Now may you depart in peace,
May your love cast out small fears,
May your hope endure.
May your faith in each other—
And
in the beauty of nature
In
which the mystery of love happens—
Grow and flourish. Amen.
Kiss
Nichole
Michelle Bruns & Jeremy John Bruns,
You may now
seal your vows with a kiss.
Family and
friends: Mr. and Mrs. Bruns
Recessional
_____
*(Parts
of this ceremony based on materials generously shared by Rev. Dr. Linda Hansen.
Thank you!)
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