Reflections on Politics & Religion at Thanksgiving
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The annual
festival of food, football, and family (not necessarily in that order) is
almost here. As many Americans anticipate sitting down with family and friends
for a turkey feast, memories of shared joy mingle with traditional family tensions
like that dish of leftovers where the gravy escaped into a sea of pumpkin pie
and Brussel sprouts. You love your brother, but if he brings up the election
one more time, you’re afraid your reaction will involve heretofore unthinkable
uses for Great Grandma’s cranberry relish. With appropriate preparation, we can
forestall such disasters waiting to happen.
So let’s talk turkey. I looked that
up—“to talk turkey” used to mean to have a pleasant conversation; then it took
a definitional U-turn to mean “have a serious talk about a difficult subject.”
Let’s see if we can combine the pleasant with the serious and difficult here.[i]
The
comfort and encouragement of friends and family sustain us through
difficulties; at the same time, these relationships require regular maintenance
to remain healthy. There’s a reason our family generally avoids talking
politics and religion at Thanksgiving: we’d rather enjoy Kelly’s sour cream and
garlic mashed potatoes than start a shouting match.
Events of the past few weeks
made me yearn for comforting and encouraging connections with loved ones. My
family felt that same yearning. Election evening, Mom called from Minnesota
just after the news that Florida broke red instead of blue. As we were on the
phone, trying to comfort each other, my younger daughter texted me from her
home in the northeastern US. She was anxious about how the election would
affect the immigration status of her best friend. My older daughter in
Australia posted on social media the next day:
I feel less American than I ever have
before. I've lived outside the US for 6 years, but I was always proud to be an
American until now. I now know that I don't belong there and it's giving me an
incredible feeling of loss.
The
Wednesday after the election, I was at home talking with my daughters for
comfort and company. My toddler granddaughter and her daddy joined us as we all
gathered in front of our computers, separated by 10,000 miles yet united by
technology. We each had the chance to talk and to be heard—though my own
feelings came out as insensitivity toward some American voters. I resorted to
insult.
The
next day, my Australian-based daughter called me on that. She’s not afraid to
talk turkey when necessary. I agreed with her and apologized. I know my grief,
fear, and feelings of isolation prompted some mean-spirited comments. That’s
not the person I want to be. Luckily, my daughter challenged me: she brought up
a difficult topic for a serious, yet loving, talk. Her talking turkey helped
remind me of my values and feel encouraged to live into my best self.
My
final chance to talk turkey with family this past week was with my little
brother—my 6’2”, 52 year old baby brother—who works for a defense contractor. We
often hold competing political views. He told me he has watched his own career
opportunities diminish over the past 8 years. He told me that new hires in his
field were all women or minorities. He told me he couldn’t even get an
interview for a position he recently applied for—because he’s a white male. We
shouted for a few minutes. (Of course, we tend to shout when talking politics
even when we agree.) Before we hung up, though, we acknowledged each other’s
perspectives and told each other, “I love you.”
Unitarian Universalism, my religious home, asks much
of me. It reminds me of the inherent connection among all existence, the
interdependence of everything—and that we can help save the world by acting on
our awareness of our interdependence. Indeed, it is our responsibility to do
so.
That’s a tall
order.
My UU
ministry arises from my sense of commitment to transform myself and the world.
We UUs gather for worship to remind ourselves of our highest aspirations, of
the transformative love we experience with each other and then take into the
world; we encourage each other to live into our best selves.
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| Photo by J. Thomson |
It also helps,
when I forget my best intentions and insult the American electorate or shout at
my brother, to remember that we need not think alike to love alike.
Recognizing
the inherent worth and dignity of others is more difficult in practice than it
sounds. We can help each other live into our best selves if we remember to talk
turkey when tough, serious, loving talk is needed. And let’s remind each other
often: You are loved.
[i] http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-tal1.htm.
1824=1st recorded use of the
phrase; may go back to colonial America. Directly quoted from World Wide Words:
“[T]he meaning
of the phrase seems to have shifted down the years. To start with it meant to
speak agreeably, or to say pleasant things; nowadays it usually refers to
speaking frankly, discussing hard facts, or getting down to serious business.
The change seems to have happened because to “talk turkey” was augmented at
some point in the nineteenth century to “talk cold turkey”, with the modern
meaning. In the course of time it was abbreviated again, with the shorter form
keeping the newer meaning. (The other meaning of “cold turkey” is unrelated.)
“The most
prosaic answer is that the “to talk pleasantly” sense came about through the
nature of family conversation around the Thanksgiving dinner table. It is also
suggested that it arose because the first contacts between Native Americans and
settlers often centred on the supply of wild turkeys, to the extent that
Indians were said to have enquired whenever they met a colonist, “you come to
talk turkey?”.
“The most
complicated explanation is a story about a colonist and a native who went
hunting, agreeing to share their spoils equally. At the end of the day, the bag
was four crows and four turkeys. The colonist tried to partition the spoils by
saying “here’s a crow for you” to the Indian, then keeping a turkey to himself,
giving another crow to the Indian, and so on. At this point the Indian very
reasonably protested, saying “you talk all turkey for you. Only talk crow for
Indian”.
“I plump for
the prosaic Thanksgiving explanation, with a side bet on the turkey trading
thesis.”
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